Article for Debate: Man’s Best Friend
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall own, dog-sit, take for walkies, or otherwise bestow favor upon a member of the Canine species weighing less than 40 lbs,* nor any Canine possessing a “curly,” “puffy,” or “luxuriant” coat.**
Mandated Exceptions
- Exception shall be made for the Married, Enfianced or otherwise formally attached Man.
- Exception shall be made in the pursuit of forming an attachment with a suitable Lady through said Canine individual.
- Excepted Dog Breeds:
- Jack Russel Terrier (small yet feisty)
- Portuguese Water Dogs (curly and puffy, but very Man appropriate water-based hunting dog)
*ie: capable of fitting into a Lady’s handbag
**ie: requiring a number of beauty parlor visits to maintain the coat equal to or greater than the number of visits a Man requires to the Barber Shop***
***a quantity of time known to be not less than six weeks barring military service.
I propose that if a dog does not fit into the aforementioned parameters, that the dog must have a redeeming awesome, manly, and/or extreme name.
Also, Steinbeck and his dog existed long before the Articles of Men were compiled- and as per the standard set by the predominantly male American legislature, no legislature can be expected to create retroactive decrees and motions.
Duly noted and well spoken sir.