3a - Ratified Article
Ratified Article: Near Beer
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall publicly consume Light* or Non-Alcoholic Beer excepting medical condition, designated driver status, or wing-man status in extremis.
Mandated Exceptions
- Members of the Military, Police Force, Firefighters, Airline Pilots, and Boat Captains are exempted from this rule regardless of duty roster**.
- Recovering alcoholics or a Man hanging out with a Man in a recovery program is exempted.
*Prolonged exposure to N/A Beer may cause even the most Mantastic Man to develop a “taste” for it, much like “diet” soda.
**Relatively speaking, light beer saves you 30-50 calories per serving, aka: a box of tic-tacs. Go you, you schmuck.
Ratified Article: Tossing the Salad
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall purchase for public consumption a Salad in lieu of a protein-based entree.
Mandated Exceptions
- Vegans forced to eat at McDonald’s when on a road trip.
- Any Man featured on “The Biggest Loser” or similar TV Special will be exempted for the duration of his TV mandated diet.
Ratified Article: The Terminator
We, the Men, do hereby declare that all Men shall accept as his sacred duty, the extermination and removal of any and all bugs and pests from the Home, and removal of any and all dead animals from the Home, regardless of origin or circumstance.
Mandated Exceptions
- A team effort may be required for efficacious removal of bodily pests such as Lice, Scabies, Chiggers, Leeches, and Screw-worms
Ratified Article: IKEA Handiness Factor
We, the Men, do hereby declare that all Men shall possess adequate skills and resources to construct any IKEA furniture kit using only the tools and parts listed in the instruction booklet.
Ratified Article: Micturation in the Standing Position
We, the Men, do hereby declare that All Men shall micturate in the standing position, barring severe localized injury of significant magnitude as to require a hospital stay.
