Article for Debate: A Little Off the Top
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that all Men should be able to find a proper Barber in any city, order a haircut in one sentence, and pay no more than $20US (unless you also order a proper Barber’s Shave, which must include hot towel, brush and lather, straight razor and finish with Bay Rum.)
Mandated Exceptions
- You are rich as a King and have Vidal Sassoon or a professionally trained Manservant at your beck and call.
- You Bick it
- You are Bald
- You Shave it yourself
photo credit: zzcleff
Article for Debate: Camping Wussies
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall sleep in the Car when camping. Failure to successfully install and implement the tent is not grounds for exception. Fear of ghosts, wild animals, the blair witch, or similar is not grounds for exception.
Mandated Exceptions
- The Car is the Man’s primary place of residence*
- An actual predator is not merely heard, or thought to be heard, or feared to be thought to be heard, but has actually been spotted, in plain sight, by more than one person.
* Hippies, Hobos, Post-Apocalyptic Scenarios
Article for Debate: Man Make Fire
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that, in any situation, a Man is required to have the ability to create fire with the tools at hand. No exception shall be made for locale, nature of materials at hand or weather conditions.
Mandated Exceptions
- It is permissable to admit defeat if completely submerged in a body of water
- Exception will be made for situations in which making fire would be foolhardy ie: in a Dirigible or Submarine.
- No Exception shall be made for Arctic conditions.
Articles for Debate: Vegetarianism
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and comment.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall consider himself a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, or ovo-lacto vegetarian, unless he declares it once and adheres to it for life. No man over the height of 6’6” is allowed to be a vegetarian.
Article for Debate: The Fanny Pack
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man under the age of 50 shall wear a fanny pack or carry a man-purse/murse.
Mandated Exceptions
Exception shall be made if said murse or fannypack contains:
- A gun
- A Knife over 3″ in length
Exception shall be made for Men in the following careers:
- Medical Technician
- Professional Sports Photographer
- Animal Trainer
- Big Cats
- Attack Dogs
- Gators
- International Courier
- Gentleman Adventurer
- Archeologist/Treasure Hunter
- Nudists
Article for Debate: Band-Aids
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no man shall wear a bandage or band-aid unless physically necessary to stop bleeding, prevent infection, or as required by a medical professional. Black eyes, bruises, road rash, minor gashes or cuts shall be held in high esteem unless inflicted in a humorous fashion, in which case the Man in question shall be required to repeat the story for his peers on demand for a period of not less than 6 months after date of accident or 4 months from complete healing from said wound, whichever is longer.
Mandated Exceptions
Exception shall be made for:
- Blood, Plasma, or Marrow Donation
- Superhero Band-Aids worn visibly over qualifying wound.
- Band Aid worn to illicit sympathy or favor in pursuit of a Woman.
Article for Debate: Chick Flicks
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall watch “Chick Flicks,” Dramas, Romantic Comedies, or “Feel-Good Movies” that are not about sports, alone or in groups consisting of not less than a 1:1 Man/Woman ratio.
Mandated Exceptions
Exception shall be made for an extra Man in the case of furthering another Man’s game by running interference on a potential date’s “meddling friend.”
Article for Debate: Ascot Ties
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man under the age of 65 shall wear an Ascot Tie for any purpose other than Comedy and/or Impersonation.*
*acceptable impersonations include: Don Knotts, Cary Grant, Somerset Maugham, Fred from Scooby Doo, and Vincent Price.
Ratified Article: Near Beer
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall publicly consume Light* or Non-Alcoholic Beer excepting medical condition, designated driver status, or wing-man status in extremis.
Mandated Exceptions
- Members of the Military, Police Force, Firefighters, Airline Pilots, and Boat Captains are exempted from this rule regardless of duty roster**.
- Recovering alcoholics or a Man hanging out with a Man in a recovery program is exempted.
*Prolonged exposure to N/A Beer may cause even the most Mantastic Man to develop a “taste” for it, much like “diet” soda.
**Relatively speaking, light beer saves you 30-50 calories per serving, aka: a box of tic-tacs. Go you, you schmuck.
Ratified Article: Tossing the Salad
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall purchase for public consumption a Salad in lieu of a protein-based entree.
Mandated Exceptions
- Vegans forced to eat at McDonald’s when on a road trip.
- Any Man featured on “The Biggest Loser” or similar TV Special will be exempted for the duration of his TV mandated diet.
