beer
Most Holy of Holies… Beer
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that, in the realm of beverages, none shall supersede Beer. In light of this reverential power, we would like to present for discussion: Beer Laws:
Beer Laws
- A beer, once opened and started, must be completed.
- A pitcher, once purchased, awarded, or gifted, must be finished.
- It is a shared responsibility of all parties at the table to finish said pitcher, only excepting the designated driver.
- Should a Man spill another Man’s beer, said beer shall be replaced at full value.
- If a Man has brought beer to a party, said beer is considered a holy offering to St Arnold, Patron Saint of Brewers, and becomes property of the Host. Upon leaving said party, no more than one beer may be recovered from the original offering as “One for the Road.”
Mandated Exceptions
- Skunked, flat, or otherwise sub-par beer may be disposed of humanely. It is important to discuss the various possible scenarios and strategies of appropriate beer storage, preparation, and consumption to keep these incidents to a minimum.
- “One for the Road” beer can not be a better quality beer than what you brought to the party
- In the case of “Frat Parties” where the party is being hosted by a rival Fraternal Organisation, OFTR ruling is reversed: A Man should endeavor to remove as much of the best beer as possible to share among his Brothers.
Ratified Article: Near Beer
Items in Red are in contention, and require discussion and approval.
We, the Men, do hereby declare that no Man shall publicly consume Light* or Non-Alcoholic Beer excepting medical condition, designated driver status, or wing-man status in extremis.
Mandated Exceptions
- Members of the Military, Police Force, Firefighters, Airline Pilots, and Boat Captains are exempted from this rule regardless of duty roster**.
- Recovering alcoholics or a Man hanging out with a Man in a recovery program is exempted.
*Prolonged exposure to N/A Beer may cause even the most Mantastic Man to develop a “taste” for it, much like “diet” soda.
**Relatively speaking, light beer saves you 30-50 calories per serving, aka: a box of tic-tacs. Go you, you schmuck.
